Perseverance...A forgotten value

I was thinking how important it is adjusting with your loved ones in any relationship. There is no count and you cannot gauge how much you should adjust or how much you have adjusted for each other.

If you think you can gauge and compare how much you are adjusting then you should probably go and think over because you cannot count love, affection and emotions. This also means you still have long way to go to accept for who they really are or for them to accept of who you are.

If there are discussions on who should adjust, why should you adjust and why not the other! This only leaves the fact that, you still have not given your 100 percent yet.

To know how mothers can answer this question of adjusting/patience in their words considering they bear us in there womb for 9 months and literally bear all the nonsense we create till we attain our conscience. I went and asked my mom, why should she adjust with me during our childhood when I annoyed her, literally troubled her, I am sure the answer would surprise!\

This is what I heard from my mother

“You were child, you did not know what you are doing, you were annoying but yet you are ignorant, since I know you for what you are and I know for the fact that I have to learn your way of what you want, I learned my ways. When you cry I know either you are hungry, or uneasy with your wet panties, or due to your bad stomach or something might have bit you, or because you need air, or other new thing which I may not have known too!”

I asked my mom, if she ever felt so frustrated when I was a child,

“Of course she said without hesitation, if your single cry means so many things imagine what I should do to get the right guess to stop you crying. Sometimes your cry means a total new thing in my list, for e.g. you cried so much because radio was switched off. I could not even figure out that till sometime which used to frustrate me of how to keep you off from crying.”

I smiled and asked did you feel like abandoning me, when you felt frustrated?

“She smiled and replied, why should I abandon you? Just because I don’t know how to keep you calm? Or I don’t know how to keep you happy? It is my inefficiency to learn what you are conveying, and it’s your efficiency to convey in the forms or emotions you know then which is crying and smiling and sometimes dancing.

I feel frustrated when I could not understand or give what you wanted but I know how to work my ways out. You like being outside of home, so if I did not know and cannot stop you cry! I used to take you out and point you to trees or birds, and you used to go calm and fall sleep in my arms after the exhaustion you attained from your everlasting crying session

And if every mother abandons her child when they feel frustrated or annoyed! There will be entire universe of orphans my dear! That is why they say a women has patience like dharani (earth)”

I had no more questions after that to her. And I was thinking, if one of the partner clearly knows what is other ones weakness then he/she should have patience to bear it, this is not adjusting this is love itself.

No one is perfect just like a child (who does not know your language, does not know what he thinks or wants), you need to know what he/she wants and work towards for a happy relationship.

When our mothers gave birth to us, they for sure had no clue what their kids might turn one day, a lawyer or a criminal, a police or a thief, a designer or an architect , they had no exact plans for us before they brought us in this world. 

They had only one thing “HOPE” that their kid will one day outshine, be a leader and change this world. They with that hope trusted us to become better individuals, helped us in each step of our life helping us achieve our dreams and not theirs!

This very thing holds true to any relationship, you cannot obtain guarantee for relation to last or person to make you happy for ever or never hurt you! If everyone can be control freak, this world would have been the best place! But that’s not how humans are, we are swamped with emotions!

I listen my friend’s say, dude I am not sure if I can trust her, she may leave me one day and go away!

I only reply saying “You think she will leave you, so you cannot trust her!  Or you cannot trust so she will leave you?” it’s not rhetorical but, you cannot leave someone you love, same way you cannot have doubts if you trust someone! It is not situation based! Cause trust and love once established cannot be erased, they are like engraving on a stone! They last forever once engraved! But to engrave it, takes time! So give time to have those marks made in your relationship, which never can get erased with any thing else.

I think everyone should understand or give it a thought that if someone says they love you so much and you believe and know you love each other so much, you should also be cognizant of the fact that you also love their sadness, love their shortcomings, love every emotion of theirs! There is no filter on what you can and what you cannot for such thing only creates confusion and dismay!

So love them in and out, trust them in and out, have hope more than ever! These three pillars are something which our own mothers taught us even before we were born, by bearing us in their womb for 9 months with love, trust and hope!

Dedicated to all the wonderful beings out there who are in love...…..

Baby Howard… A lost puppy? Or a lost owner?!

Most of my blogs I have written so far involve lot of fiction, this one is special. Whatever you read in this blog is based on true incident in my life which happened on 30-Aug-2016. The moral I have written is just based on my experiences in life so that section is open to your interpretation.

It was a long day at work, with nonstop meetings, fighting’s within the board, indifference's between people, blame games, self-bluster etc.! I am sick of all this I told to myself and very soon I will have my own small scale business where employees will be eager to wake up and come to work and not be in dismay of how the day is going to be.

Finally almost at the end of workday, I get to close my laptop and get ready to catch train back to home at 4.00 PM PST and at the very instance, I got a call saying there was some issue with the sign off procedures so I had to sit and see (debug) what was wrong with the software. After beating up for almost 40 minutes, we observed the issue was with upstream systems (someone who is sitting above us and sending some information to us for our processing) and we were okay.  After we confirmed this, I did not think a moment but just shut the laptop. I have not even got a chance to charge my cell phone which was almost dead since past night. So I picked up charger from my desk and started off to LA Union station.

Luckily I got a seat near charging point and hooked up my cell to charger and sat down to sleep and relax. Couple of minutes later, I got a call, it was from my brother Kiran. He asked if the plan is confirmed of me arriving to Saint Louis, I said yes, in low energy, he asked I sound like a donkey beaten to death, I laughed and said my mood is not good. He cheered me up with our funny talk and he reminded me to bring Tennis racket, I smiled and said yes. It has been almost 2 years we played tennis together.

Later, I had a small nap with billions of thoughts and reached home. The moment I was getting out of my car, I saw a Chihuahua puppy on the road wandering, I saw around, in search of the owner but I saw no one. I understood it was a pet dog, as I can see a cute little pink scarf and a bone pendant hanging around its neck. I was not hesitant to pet him, unsure if he is safer, all I knew at that moment was, I could not see this puppy alone! That is me. So I softly whistled looking at it, with hand gestures, it stopped, looked at me, my body language was so composed so that it would not get scared and run away.

It finally ran towards me, I just stood intact with not even a slightest motion in my body what so ever, I gave it time to adapt, it scented me, all over my shoes and pants and when I bent knees, it jumped on to me with joy, raising its two feet up! I looked at its eyes, they are filled with innocence, fear, love, help and worry! It was such a wonderful feeling to be loved from a stranger whom I know for few seconds when I showed that assurance of love and care to it. While I was trying to check how should I return it to its rightful owner! The girl (Mira) from my neighbor’s apartment came out to play and asked if it was my dog, I said no, it is lost! I just saw him. She said oh, it is so sweet and she started petting him too. I asked her if she knew of anyone who she might think this little guy belongs to, she said in confused voice, no. But then she was smart than me I felt, she turned the pendant to see if there was a name tag or something on pendant. And there it was the little guys name is Howard, and there was a cell number below his name.

I tried calling that number but no one picked the call after calling twice, Mira held the puppy while I was calling, as I was attempting another call, Mira’s parents stepped out from their home to know what was happening. While I was trying to reach the number another time, Mira’s mom asked me are they picking up the call, I said no, I am trying another time! She did not hesitate at least out of humanity but forced Mira to handover dog to me and get in her home. I felt so bad, it is a dog who is lost, trying to find its owner and she was not even a pinch sad about that! I said humans are fools! The only kind who hurt each other, and kill each other are the humans! I decided to move from that place.

I took Howard from Mira in my Arms and took into my apartment. Little dude was roaming all over the place, I know clearly he was searching for his owner. I kept some milk for him to drink but it did not even touch it. So I took into my arms to reduce its fear and pampered it. Finally I get the call from the owner back, she was in the shower and her husband forgot to close the door properly and that’s how poor little Howard was lost!

I went to handover Howard to his rightful owner, she had some plaster around her feet. I did not expect her to come to me to take the dog considering her situation, so I went close to her and gave it to her. She was so worried for him, I could see it, for that fraction of second, she held him tight, hugged him, kissed him, she even forgot to say thanks to me that moment! And later when I said bye! She is like sorry for the trouble, Howard is a well behaved dog, I don’t know why he stepped out of home, I think he learnt his lesson now! But thanks to you to bring him back to me! And she bid farewell.

Moral: Sometimes our thoughts & emotions are just like Howard, they don’t have direction when they are let free to do what they want to do, and we lose our cared and loved ones in this process. We may still wander to find our way back, sometimes we get so lucky that who help us reach our homes back but not all are lucky! My parents used to say, we never know the value of our loved ones when you are around but when they are gone, you realize what you missed! That is very true I thought. For all those beautiful humans in this world, do not ever lose your loved ones! Care for them do not give up so easily

Distance matters!

It is a bright sunny day in California, cant expect a snow fall can I? So let us live with the heat waves in summer with my Gogs on!

Like any other day had a fantastic time at office.

Trying to explain to my clients what he wants ;) towards what he feels he wants. Explaining my team members to align their thoughts of what client feels he wants, to what he wants. Ensuring the team does what client wants and not land up doing, what they think client wants.

Attending tons of calls where the outcome could be as productive in 5minutes, to meetings which run for hours and not sure what I have to take with me as an action item!
Sitting in a conference room on 23 floor with team and enjoying the view of Los Angeles down town after our meeting. Jumping from the seat to view the parade's that was happening on the hope street opposite to our clients office!

Eagerly waiting to fetch my lunch and yet worried, if the "India Jones" food truck to show up. Wow the frankies are delicious at this place.

Well and sending some final emails! to wind up and catch Metrolink train of San Bernardino to my home Covina.

Sitting in a quite car to catch some sleep and looking at this chinese dude with his gogs on to save himself from the distraction caused due to bright sun light, with samsung ear buds in his ears and a navy blue polo shirt. He has half opened eyes which are visibe from his gogs and a full opened mouth, where a small sized indian laddu can fit in!

And there is a pretty brown eyed girl making an eye contact whenever i raise my head, who is exactly sitting diagonally to me! She was in her own fantasy land, probably a college girl! She was reading the book "Burned", interesting title I thought and slowly went to sleep.

Out of this day of funny, eventful, productive journey, I reach my station where the conductor announces " Your next stop is Covina. If this is your destination please use handles while moving through the train and watch your step". I wake up in a hurry from my half sleep head and tried to move through the train without using handles and suddenly train jerks off! and i was about to break my face bumping into the floor steps but an elderly women held my hand, I smiled with embarrassment and said thanks. I exited the car and there they are these two families which catch my eye all the time.

A guy who waits to pick up his girl friend and they hug each other daily as if they were distanced for a life time.
I see same emotion daily in the girls eyes, but the guy is very composed! but he is expressive i felt, I hear him saying "How was your day honey" and they leave while talking.
I see this couple daily since past 8 months. I used to feel that gap! that i never felt in India! i always had someone waiting for me, wanting to hug me, just give a glass of water and say! you look so happy/tired and you should take a break! How lucky should we be, to be in

person for those whom we love and who love us.

While I was thinking, the cute little fellow barked at me, his name is Tom, he is the pet of two elderly couple, who come to pick up their grand daughter every Friday. I petted Tom once asking their permission, from then on it recognizes me.

At least the cute little tom makes me feel that I should catch train on time to be back home! It gives me that drive to make it on time to station to see Tom and that couple!

Sometimes I wonder what these emotions mean to humans? How they define,defy, our world and others.

I remembered one thing from my chemistry class, for two atoms to form a compound should be in vicinity and with a valency on each atom to exchange the electrons to make each other stable! One such interesting mechanism where this process of bonding happens is called Co-ordinate covalent bond.

There is something we can always learn from nature I felt, may be humans should know and realize how each other can complement their lives in a relationship! Then that bonding is not susceptible to any external factors.

Do you know how your partner complements your life?

Be My Valentine

Can there be anything so happy giving when you are by me!
Can there be anything so warmth than your palms across my face!
A hug which could let me feel feather light!
A smile which lifts the whole universe with a fulcrum so curved!
Can there be anything?

Can there be anything so relentless when the thought of you not before me even for a second!
Can there be so pain inflicting my heart, if you are so sad about something!
A heart so filled you are!
A heart so dreams afar!
Can there be anything?

Can there be anything more graceful than your walk
Can there be anything so sweeter of your voice making me awake in middle of the night?
A voice so sweet I cant stop listening
A smile so infectious that i cant stop hearing!
Can there be anything?

Can there be anything I asked myself which I would ever stop doing to be far from U!
Can there be anything I asked self which I would ever not stop doing to love U!
A good bye I would never like to listen is from you!
A kiss on your forehead I would never stop doing
As you are my sweet heart and you are my first love


© Copyright Hari Babu P Feb 16 2013. This content cannot be used for any purpose except for pleasure of reading until and unless a prior authorization being obtained from the author.

Yes this is what I am .......

I am Mr.Darsy,
well that's not what I am
But does that really matter!? To spell the pride and prejudice of the self.....

Yes I am arrogant, If you may call stubborn most times,
Yes I am insane and so thoughtless
For the only one so harsh are the convictions to love so hidden inside this heart

Yes I care not thee feelings, if you may call hard as a stone yet times
Yes I am heartless and so a brute
For the only alter ego if existed would know I am so prudent and circumspect on words I choose

Yes I like to win word, if you may call egoistic yet times,
Yes I am taciturn and so speechless yet so to the contrary
For the only thing I care is you and rest seems so insignificant towards the love I have on you

Yes I dislike hiding, if you may call clear-cut
Yes I am shameless and have no virtues
For the only thing I mind is your smile even in my absence if that may take your pride by me

Yes I am like this, if you my call strong head
Yes I am this way I say
For the ways I had were closed in harsh ways unimaginable to your slightest thoughts that I had no heart left to get hurt a time one more

Yes I smile all time, if you may call mad all times,
Yes I am culprit of smile
For the lessons in life only taught me there's nothing in sorrow for Happiness is all we can carry with everyone

Yes I am Darsy in movies of "pride & prejudice", if you may a V in "V for Vendetta"
Yes I am Happy as they call me
But I still am Hari with heart ful of emotions yet so open but still so concealed.....

Happy Thanks Giving and bearing my nonsense this late midnight if u call me!!! Ciao!

~Hari (For all those who love me and hate me for reasons unfathomable in every aspect)

© Copyright Hari Babu P Jan 21 2013. This content cannot be used for any purpose except for pleasure of reading until and unless a prior authorization being obtained from the author.

A bliss in the kiss

Some things in this world can only be felt and beyond anyone’s imagination to put in words. If anyone could define being happy, falling in love and hatred; I guess humans would never need a feel of expression to others. This blog is to all those who had experienced their first kiss and to those who are yet too! Happy read.

It was a painful day back from office; I still wonder why college was done so fast! Wish if I could go back to college again, it is just 6 months in IT (Information Technology) industry and I already miss it and realize how valuable was every moment when I had to think about my college days.

I still remember the final year of college and the date was Dec 26. 

Day:

It all started on the first day of fresher’s(new joiners) entering the college and we eagerly waiting with our claws open like an eagle to hunt down the prey of fresher’s. While our group is known and nick named as VAT ( a noun which is a big empty vessel)  for some reason which I still cannot accept cause we were never empty in anything but full in all! Some called us Anti-Girls race too, which is not a point of discussion right now so moving on.

While we were waiting at the Nandini café having samosa and waiting for the fresher’s to come out of college and me trying to snatch and throw away cigarettes from my friends hand, Hitesh trying to grap those last two pooris from Ranjith and others busy in their dramas; I see my friend’s father driving the same old Bajaj chetak making terrific sound as if a goods train is coming towards you with full volume on its siren but what caught amidst this big siren was a soft melody of violin music coming from his behind with bass, treble, stem and other musical notes

 emerging out of the moments of the dupatta from her salwar kameez by the swift breeze across her.

It occurred to me like a filmy style from top of my head but I just pushed those thoughts away with my left hand and trying hard to see her face which was covered by her silky hair so shiny and bright as a black cobra well sounds too poetic but better be or else how would you know I am a poet too!

I forgot to tell my friend that his father was coming as I was busy finding someone else on his father’s bike and my friend Rahul was still smoking, and guess what! The moment of triumph my friend was letting circles out of the cigarette smoke and was caught by his father, he did not know what to say and stood with the cigar still in his mouth like a frozen Buddha Statue in Hussain Sagar! I immediately pulled out the cigar from his mouth and went closer to the dustbin where his father’s bike was present put it there and finally looked at her!

Her eyes covered by a thin line of black color, lips as if rosy as newly born pink rose petals so pretty was she that I forgot that I was gazing at her! And she had to sigh that uncle was coming back then I smiled and said hi to uncle and he started speaking to me saying to educate his son and be like me!?

Be like me?! Oh god please never say that uncle I thought cause my father used to say same thing when Rahul comes to my home I uttered within myself and said sure Uncle and said bye!

I had to rush behind Rahuls father following his bike to see which group she belongs to and which section! I did not think I just followed my heart as always. I was shadowing her and came to know she is joining electronics stream which is my own stream! I was happy for some reason and left to café again.

My friends already could figure out what was happening. 

Day:

All of us had been waiting at the Nandini café again the next morning waiting for the freshers and I had caught Champak Lal, name itself sounded so good we could not stop pulling him in the middle of our circle , made him do break dance for an old sad classical, made him have navaratna breakfast (mixed all nine varieties of breakfast in hostel with hands mixing up chutney, curry, curd and sambar) and made him finish it off in 3 minutes then made him do sit ups! And finally took him for a sponsorship of movie tickets for nine of us to Guru Movie.

On way back from movie I saw her and asked Champak lal to tease her saying he is her senior or else we warned him we will make him have navaratna lunch this time! And so he went and I was following him without his notice, he started teasing her after a while I interfered saying Champak she is my relative leave her and I said lets go! Champak had this question and exclamatory on his face and just joined me with out a word.

I then asked Champak, did you ask her name he said yes.

I asked what is it? He said her name is Chinniben Patel

Chinni? What kind of a name on earth iswthat I thought but whatever it is, it is good I thought Chinniiiiii what a nice name! then I thought whats Ben? and I could hear my hidden voice now when you are in love even the most horrific name of the pretty girls sounds like an octave to you!!! I again pushed away my hidden voice with my right hand this time and I googled  her name to find meaning and which region in India is from and found out its something like girl  in gujarati, how sweet Chinni is Telugu language is cute and girl …cute girl! Nice meaning I laughed with in

I saw her coming behind us and she stood beside me and Champak on my left. I looked at her smiled and she smiled back and this happened till she boarded the bus, without my notice I left Champak and boarded her bus without seeing the bus number!

Its really hard to get seat in Hyderabad metro bus but somehow she got it that day and I just stood beside her, giving her company all the way till she got down and returned in the same bus again. Meanwhile my friend Hitesh was still waiting for me at bus stop and it was already an hour I left. So he started speaking to Champak whom I have deserted in the magic of Chinni.

Hitesh is always cool and did not complain about me letting him wait this long instead started smiling! Champak meanwhile left as his bus has come and I was asking Hitesh for the reason but he said I would not but will wait till you figure out yourself!

I still could not get it!

Day 21, Dec 26:

The same exchange of smiles since past 20 days and I do not know how to say I like her so much. Hitesh knowing what I had in my mind told “Abhi, today she has some dance program for the freshers day celebrations, you can meet her and spend some time with her in the theatrical room as she is practicing alone” I hugged Hitesh and said I shall call him once I give her company till her home and shall return to bus stop. He smiled and I went to our college dance practice room.

I saw her dancing and she was so good at it obviously I thought as I was told by my juniors that she knows Dandiya and does it very well. I wish if I knew something like that I thought but anyways she knows it I smiled with in.

She know I was watching her but she was so much into dance that she was not caring who is around. I was there till 5PM evening 4 hours extra and Hitesh dropped by to say he is leaving and I said stay with me he said idiot you better be alone! And left

After she was done she came to me and said how did I dance I said fantastic, she replied you always appreciate me! I said if you had to watch with my four eyes you would surely take my appreciation. She smiled for my quit wit of humor. I asked If I can join her for a walk she said yes. We were walking and she said she is feeling hungry and I asked we can go to Priya Restaurant and I asked if she likes spicy food she said yes, so I ordered Mirchi Bajji (An Andhra dish made with All gram flour and Green chillies deep fried)

She liked it so much and had 3 of them out of 5. I then asked her if she it so much she said thanks a lot for introducing it and I mentioned please do not ever be sorry or thanks to me and she smiled.

She asked if I know Champak I said yes he is my friend, she laughed and she said really? I said yes! Then she said so you have friends who are in first year apart from me! For a moment I was stuck then surprised then shocked and she smiled and so did I.

She then said I have never seen a person like you so witty, naughty and smiling all the time, I said that was something everyone says but its sweet to hear from you. It was dark already and I asked her I shall come along to drop her at home and she said of course I can. We were alone in the bus and I sat beside her and she asked me to look down as she felt something fell from my pocket so I had bent and she kissed me on my forehead while returning back.

For a moment I did not know what to say and react but I just smiled and had held her hand tight with mine and after getting down on the way to her home I called her name and she turned to me and I held her face in my palms and kissed her on forehead. For that moment it seemed the whole world has come to a halt with calmness around us, the place we were standing felt like the center of universe. I still could not forget the feeling of feather light on my lips on to her forehead and the immense bliss I had in heart!

My first kiss so wonderful and so sweet that I could ever forget in my life time.


© Copyright Hari Babu P Feb 16 2013. This content cannot be used for any purpose except for pleasure of reading until and unless a prior authorization being obtained from the author.