I was thinking how important it is adjusting with your loved
ones in any relationship. There is no count and you cannot gauge how much you
should adjust or how much you have adjusted for each other.
If you think you can gauge and compare how much you are
adjusting then you should probably go and think over because you cannot count
love, affection and emotions. This also means you still have long way to go to
accept for who they really are or for them to accept of who you are.
If there are discussions on who should adjust, why should
you adjust and why not the other! This only leaves the fact that, you still have
not given your 100 percent yet.
To know how mothers can answer this question of
adjusting/patience in their words considering they bear us in there womb for 9
months and literally bear all the nonsense we create till we attain our
conscience. I went and asked my mom, why should she adjust with me during our
childhood when I annoyed her, literally troubled her, I am sure the answer would
surprise!\
This is what I heard from my mother
“You were child, you
did not know what you are doing, you were annoying but yet you are ignorant,
since I know you for what you are and I know for the fact that I have to learn
your way of what you want, I learned my ways. When you cry I know either you
are hungry, or uneasy with your wet panties, or due to your bad stomach or
something might have bit you, or because you need air, or other new thing which I may not
have known too!”
I asked my mom, if she ever felt so frustrated when I was a child,
“Of course she said
without hesitation, if your single cry means so many things imagine what I
should do to get the right guess to stop you crying. Sometimes your cry means a
total new thing in my list, for e.g. you cried so much because radio was
switched off. I could not even figure out that till sometime which used to
frustrate me of how to keep you off from crying.”
I smiled and asked did you feel like abandoning me, when you
felt frustrated?
“She smiled and
replied, why should I abandon you? Just because I don’t know how to keep you
calm? Or I don’t know how to keep you happy? It is my inefficiency to learn
what you are conveying, and it’s your efficiency to convey in the forms or
emotions you know then which is crying and smiling and sometimes dancing.
I feel frustrated when
I could not understand or give what you wanted but I know how to work my ways
out. You like being outside of home, so if I did not know and cannot stop you
cry! I used to take you out and point you to trees or birds, and you used to go
calm and fall sleep in my arms after the exhaustion you attained from your everlasting
crying session
And if every mother abandons
her child when they feel frustrated or annoyed! There will be entire universe
of orphans my dear! That is why they say a women has patience like dharani (earth)”
I had no more questions after that to her. And I was
thinking, if one of the partner clearly knows what is other ones weakness then
he/she should have patience to bear it, this is not adjusting this is love itself.
No one is perfect just like a child (who does not know your
language, does not know what he thinks or wants), you need to know what he/she
wants and work towards for a happy relationship.
When our mothers gave birth to us, they for sure had no clue
what their kids might turn one day, a lawyer or a criminal, a police or a
thief, a designer or an architect , they had no exact plans for us before they
brought us in this world.
They had only one thing “HOPE” that their kid will one
day outshine, be a leader and change this world. They with that hope trusted us
to become better individuals, helped us in each step of our life helping us achieve our dreams and not theirs!
This very thing holds true to any relationship, you cannot
obtain guarantee for relation to last or person to make you happy for ever or
never hurt you! If everyone can be control freak, this world would have been
the best place! But that’s not how humans are, we are swamped with emotions!
I listen my friend’s say, dude I am not sure if I can trust
her, she may leave me one day and go away!
I only reply saying “You think she will leave you, so you
cannot trust her! Or you cannot trust so
she will leave you?” it’s not rhetorical but, you cannot leave someone you
love, same way you cannot have doubts if you trust someone! It is not situation
based! Cause trust and love once established cannot be erased, they are like
engraving on a stone! They last forever once engraved! But to engrave it, takes time! So give
time to have those marks made in your relationship, which never can get erased with any thing else.
I think everyone should understand or give it a thought that
if someone says they love you so much and you believe and know you love each
other so much, you should also be cognizant of the fact that you also love
their sadness, love their shortcomings, love every emotion of theirs! There is no
filter on what you can and what you cannot for such thing only creates
confusion and dismay!
So love them in and out, trust them in and out, have hope
more than ever! These three pillars are something which our own mothers taught
us even before we were born, by bearing us in their womb for 9 months with love,
trust and hope!
Dedicated to all the wonderful beings out there who are in love...…..
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