Ethics

Being in love was magic I heard! But I never felt it. Cause every moment of life, I was always on the other side where I was only giving.

The only two persons in this world who loved back for what I am were my parents. I never thought no one could ever love me in return, I know I cannot expect my partner to love me as they do. Parents love and Partners love are always different. I knew the difference very well, but I never felt it till one day!

That day is today! 22 of July 2016.

To be honest, I do not know how do I start, or If i can complete this blog. As I was never so happy!!! And my eyes are wet.

I felt like being with her that very moment! Hug her, kiss her and cuddle and sleep by her, looking at her the way I do, for the entire weekend, but this distance !!! ufff!!!

Exactly a day before, I and my lover had an argument on a very silly thing, part of which was my fault.

I never ask professional favors in personal life, but that day I broke my rule and felt like asking a professional favor, maybe I always took her granted and felt she was my partner already! Or very close friend! So I was comfortable breaking my rules.

But I lied to her while asking the favor, saying the favor was for my friend and not for myself cause, I did not want her to know for multiple reasons, one if she knows she is helping me she might take it little personally and help push it harder which I did not want to happen. Secondly I do not want her to know that I may quit my current stable job and move to uncertain contracting which is a horrible past experience. For me, all that mattered was being with her as long as I can. 

So for these reasons, I want to keep it secret and I asked her managers id directly! I thought she might have told him, that I would send my resume directly to him. But I took for granted that his manager is comfortable taking resumes for external email ids with little introduction from her side. Either way! This gap lead to a strong argument where she was trying to teach me ethics!

That is when I went crazy! I am a project manager myself and I thought why is she has to tell me about ethics! She could have told what was supposed to be done. Cause I ask my friends directly to send resumes to me if there are opportunities. And I was very particular to draw a line saying "Savitri, this is professional favor" to ensure she does not mix personal life in that.

But the things went really wrong when she quoted the example from my past which I barely remembered and that was not necessary that point! We clearly discussed all this when we met in person that we will not talk or bring anything from the initial days when we were in love. As all the decisions, actions were so immature.

I told her that was not necessary and we ended conversation, but I was so much disturbed, I could not concentrate on my interview preparation next day! So I thought, the best thing to do is focus on my career and avoid any emotions which would impact my plan. I worked out in gym, than usual to get over that disturbance and was so tired. So I decided, we need time, we should just stop talking to each other! Till at least I know what my plan looks like!

And I left her voice mail and switched off cell as usual, the only thing I knew best and the only way to reduce my anger. I know, I will be normal again next day! But I have a weakness too, if someone is in person with me, I get melted by a hug or kiss! But as usual due to distance between us, that was not possible. I went to bed with these thoughts, to start a fresh day the next morning.

I woke up, looked eagerly at my voice mail, as she has this unique style of leaving long voice messages! Realizing there are none, I thought she felt very bad. Did not want to disturb her peace early morning, so left office by listening to her favorite "Telusa Telusa" song! I listened that song entire day in repeat mode! I realized I forgot to check WhatsApp messages. And I checked around noon as was in a war room with my managers first whole day. I left her text, she read it, but no reply! I waited looked back no reply!

I thought I will call her the moment I leave home! And on my way back too, I stopped my car and adjusted my cars Bluetooth which had some issues, so that I can listen to her favorite song. I reached home, I stepped out of car and there is little kid who was asking me if I need leather couch with her mother beside him, I thought she must have asked his son to initiate conversation! I laughed to self and thought I am leaving to India in few months! What do I do with my own furniture! And replied politely, no thanks with a smile and left to my room. I saw some green balloons! I thought some kids might have played with it and might have came over.

When I reached my door steps, 

This was there! As shown in picture!

I guessed it was Savitr’s act! But I was curious and read the note! As my roomie also has a girlfriend. And it was addressed Abhi Singh :)

I was feeling bad just this morning, I will miss my mustang when I go to India. But this gift! I have no words!

Words can be harsh, but gestures and actions speak even more! That day I realized, there is another person in this world who loves me! I felt I could climb Mount Everest now with her support!

Thanks to all those wonderful lovers in the world who made into history! I would one day want to know the entire world! In spite of all the differences and the horrible past we carry with each other! We still can be happy!

This memory now got added to my core memory as the happiest joyful moment when I saw this surprise combined with sadness that I miss her along with anger that we are far away and fear that, what if I had to leave her and go even farther?

For what all it may! I love you Savitr! I always did!

But I am scared just as you are! But I know for what little we know about each other we still can be happy together! We already know enough about each other! That "WE BOTH CARE FOR EACH OTHER".