Ethics

Being in love was magic I heard! But I never felt it. Cause every moment of life, I was always on the other side where I was only giving.

The only two persons in this world who loved back for what I am were my parents. I never thought no one could ever love me in return, I know I cannot expect my partner to love me as they do. Parents love and Partners love are always different. I knew the difference very well, but I never felt it till one day!

That day is today! 22 of July 2016.

To be honest, I do not know how do I start, or If i can complete this blog. As I was never so happy!!! And my eyes are wet.

I felt like being with her that very moment! Hug her, kiss her and cuddle and sleep by her, looking at her the way I do, for the entire weekend, but this distance !!! ufff!!!

Exactly a day before, I and my lover had an argument on a very silly thing, part of which was my fault.

I never ask professional favors in personal life, but that day I broke my rule and felt like asking a professional favor, maybe I always took her granted and felt she was my partner already! Or very close friend! So I was comfortable breaking my rules.

But I lied to her while asking the favor, saying the favor was for my friend and not for myself cause, I did not want her to know for multiple reasons, one if she knows she is helping me she might take it little personally and help push it harder which I did not want to happen. Secondly I do not want her to know that I may quit my current stable job and move to uncertain contracting which is a horrible past experience. For me, all that mattered was being with her as long as I can. 

So for these reasons, I want to keep it secret and I asked her managers id directly! I thought she might have told him, that I would send my resume directly to him. But I took for granted that his manager is comfortable taking resumes for external email ids with little introduction from her side. Either way! This gap lead to a strong argument where she was trying to teach me ethics!

That is when I went crazy! I am a project manager myself and I thought why is she has to tell me about ethics! She could have told what was supposed to be done. Cause I ask my friends directly to send resumes to me if there are opportunities. And I was very particular to draw a line saying "Savitri, this is professional favor" to ensure she does not mix personal life in that.

But the things went really wrong when she quoted the example from my past which I barely remembered and that was not necessary that point! We clearly discussed all this when we met in person that we will not talk or bring anything from the initial days when we were in love. As all the decisions, actions were so immature.

I told her that was not necessary and we ended conversation, but I was so much disturbed, I could not concentrate on my interview preparation next day! So I thought, the best thing to do is focus on my career and avoid any emotions which would impact my plan. I worked out in gym, than usual to get over that disturbance and was so tired. So I decided, we need time, we should just stop talking to each other! Till at least I know what my plan looks like!

And I left her voice mail and switched off cell as usual, the only thing I knew best and the only way to reduce my anger. I know, I will be normal again next day! But I have a weakness too, if someone is in person with me, I get melted by a hug or kiss! But as usual due to distance between us, that was not possible. I went to bed with these thoughts, to start a fresh day the next morning.

I woke up, looked eagerly at my voice mail, as she has this unique style of leaving long voice messages! Realizing there are none, I thought she felt very bad. Did not want to disturb her peace early morning, so left office by listening to her favorite "Telusa Telusa" song! I listened that song entire day in repeat mode! I realized I forgot to check WhatsApp messages. And I checked around noon as was in a war room with my managers first whole day. I left her text, she read it, but no reply! I waited looked back no reply!

I thought I will call her the moment I leave home! And on my way back too, I stopped my car and adjusted my cars Bluetooth which had some issues, so that I can listen to her favorite song. I reached home, I stepped out of car and there is little kid who was asking me if I need leather couch with her mother beside him, I thought she must have asked his son to initiate conversation! I laughed to self and thought I am leaving to India in few months! What do I do with my own furniture! And replied politely, no thanks with a smile and left to my room. I saw some green balloons! I thought some kids might have played with it and might have came over.

When I reached my door steps, 

This was there! As shown in picture!

I guessed it was Savitr’s act! But I was curious and read the note! As my roomie also has a girlfriend. And it was addressed Abhi Singh :)

I was feeling bad just this morning, I will miss my mustang when I go to India. But this gift! I have no words!

Words can be harsh, but gestures and actions speak even more! That day I realized, there is another person in this world who loves me! I felt I could climb Mount Everest now with her support!

Thanks to all those wonderful lovers in the world who made into history! I would one day want to know the entire world! In spite of all the differences and the horrible past we carry with each other! We still can be happy!

This memory now got added to my core memory as the happiest joyful moment when I saw this surprise combined with sadness that I miss her along with anger that we are far away and fear that, what if I had to leave her and go even farther?

For what all it may! I love you Savitr! I always did!

But I am scared just as you are! But I know for what little we know about each other we still can be happy together! We already know enough about each other! That "WE BOTH CARE FOR EACH OTHER".

Be My Valentine

Can there be anything so happy giving when you are by me!
Can there be anything so warmth than your palms across my face!
A hug which could let me feel feather light!
A smile which lifts the whole universe with a fulcrum so curved!
Can there be anything?

Can there be anything so relentless when the thought of you not before me even for a second!
Can there be so pain inflicting my heart, if you are so sad about something!
A heart so filled you are!
A heart so dreams afar!
Can there be anything?

Can there be anything more graceful than your walk
Can there be anything so sweeter of your voice making me awake in middle of the night?
A voice so sweet I cant stop listening
A smile so infectious that i cant stop hearing!
Can there be anything?

Can there be anything I asked myself which I would ever stop doing to be far from U!
Can there be anything I asked self which I would ever not stop doing to love U!
A good bye I would never like to listen is from you!
A kiss on your forehead I would never stop doing
As you are my sweet heart and you are my first love


© Copyright Hari Babu P Feb 16 2013. This content cannot be used for any purpose except for pleasure of reading until and unless a prior authorization being obtained from the author.

Yes this is what I am .......

I am Mr.Darsy,
well that's not what I am
But does that really matter!? To spell the pride and prejudice of the self.....

Yes I am arrogant, If you may call stubborn most times,
Yes I am insane and so thoughtless
For the only one so harsh are the convictions to love so hidden inside this heart

Yes I care not thee feelings, if you may call hard as a stone yet times
Yes I am heartless and so a brute
For the only alter ego if existed would know I am so prudent and circumspect on words I choose

Yes I like to win word, if you may call egoistic yet times,
Yes I am taciturn and so speechless yet so to the contrary
For the only thing I care is you and rest seems so insignificant towards the love I have on you

Yes I dislike hiding, if you may call clear-cut
Yes I am shameless and have no virtues
For the only thing I mind is your smile even in my absence if that may take your pride by me

Yes I am like this, if you my call strong head
Yes I am this way I say
For the ways I had were closed in harsh ways unimaginable to your slightest thoughts that I had no heart left to get hurt a time one more

Yes I smile all time, if you may call mad all times,
Yes I am culprit of smile
For the lessons in life only taught me there's nothing in sorrow for Happiness is all we can carry with everyone

Yes I am Darsy in movies of "pride & prejudice", if you may a V in "V for Vendetta"
Yes I am Happy as they call me
But I still am Hari with heart ful of emotions yet so open but still so concealed.....

Happy Thanks Giving and bearing my nonsense this late midnight if u call me!!! Ciao!

~Hari (For all those who love me and hate me for reasons unfathomable in every aspect)

© Copyright Hari Babu P Jan 21 2013. This content cannot be used for any purpose except for pleasure of reading until and unless a prior authorization being obtained from the author.

A bliss in the kiss

Some things in this world can only be felt and beyond anyone’s imagination to put in words. If anyone could define being happy, falling in love and hatred; I guess humans would never need a feel of expression to others. This blog is to all those who had experienced their first kiss and to those who are yet too! Happy read.

It was a painful day back from office; I still wonder why college was done so fast! Wish if I could go back to college again, it is just 6 months in IT (Information Technology) industry and I already miss it and realize how valuable was every moment when I had to think about my college days.

I still remember the final year of college and the date was Dec 26. 

Day:

It all started on the first day of fresher’s(new joiners) entering the college and we eagerly waiting with our claws open like an eagle to hunt down the prey of fresher’s. While our group is known and nick named as VAT ( a noun which is a big empty vessel)  for some reason which I still cannot accept cause we were never empty in anything but full in all! Some called us Anti-Girls race too, which is not a point of discussion right now so moving on.

While we were waiting at the Nandini café having samosa and waiting for the fresher’s to come out of college and me trying to snatch and throw away cigarettes from my friends hand, Hitesh trying to grap those last two pooris from Ranjith and others busy in their dramas; I see my friend’s father driving the same old Bajaj chetak making terrific sound as if a goods train is coming towards you with full volume on its siren but what caught amidst this big siren was a soft melody of violin music coming from his behind with bass, treble, stem and other musical notes

 emerging out of the moments of the dupatta from her salwar kameez by the swift breeze across her.

It occurred to me like a filmy style from top of my head but I just pushed those thoughts away with my left hand and trying hard to see her face which was covered by her silky hair so shiny and bright as a black cobra well sounds too poetic but better be or else how would you know I am a poet too!

I forgot to tell my friend that his father was coming as I was busy finding someone else on his father’s bike and my friend Rahul was still smoking, and guess what! The moment of triumph my friend was letting circles out of the cigarette smoke and was caught by his father, he did not know what to say and stood with the cigar still in his mouth like a frozen Buddha Statue in Hussain Sagar! I immediately pulled out the cigar from his mouth and went closer to the dustbin where his father’s bike was present put it there and finally looked at her!

Her eyes covered by a thin line of black color, lips as if rosy as newly born pink rose petals so pretty was she that I forgot that I was gazing at her! And she had to sigh that uncle was coming back then I smiled and said hi to uncle and he started speaking to me saying to educate his son and be like me!?

Be like me?! Oh god please never say that uncle I thought cause my father used to say same thing when Rahul comes to my home I uttered within myself and said sure Uncle and said bye!

I had to rush behind Rahuls father following his bike to see which group she belongs to and which section! I did not think I just followed my heart as always. I was shadowing her and came to know she is joining electronics stream which is my own stream! I was happy for some reason and left to café again.

My friends already could figure out what was happening. 

Day:

All of us had been waiting at the Nandini café again the next morning waiting for the freshers and I had caught Champak Lal, name itself sounded so good we could not stop pulling him in the middle of our circle , made him do break dance for an old sad classical, made him have navaratna breakfast (mixed all nine varieties of breakfast in hostel with hands mixing up chutney, curry, curd and sambar) and made him finish it off in 3 minutes then made him do sit ups! And finally took him for a sponsorship of movie tickets for nine of us to Guru Movie.

On way back from movie I saw her and asked Champak lal to tease her saying he is her senior or else we warned him we will make him have navaratna lunch this time! And so he went and I was following him without his notice, he started teasing her after a while I interfered saying Champak she is my relative leave her and I said lets go! Champak had this question and exclamatory on his face and just joined me with out a word.

I then asked Champak, did you ask her name he said yes.

I asked what is it? He said her name is Chinniben Patel

Chinni? What kind of a name on earth iswthat I thought but whatever it is, it is good I thought Chinniiiiii what a nice name! then I thought whats Ben? and I could hear my hidden voice now when you are in love even the most horrific name of the pretty girls sounds like an octave to you!!! I again pushed away my hidden voice with my right hand this time and I googled  her name to find meaning and which region in India is from and found out its something like girl  in gujarati, how sweet Chinni is Telugu language is cute and girl …cute girl! Nice meaning I laughed with in

I saw her coming behind us and she stood beside me and Champak on my left. I looked at her smiled and she smiled back and this happened till she boarded the bus, without my notice I left Champak and boarded her bus without seeing the bus number!

Its really hard to get seat in Hyderabad metro bus but somehow she got it that day and I just stood beside her, giving her company all the way till she got down and returned in the same bus again. Meanwhile my friend Hitesh was still waiting for me at bus stop and it was already an hour I left. So he started speaking to Champak whom I have deserted in the magic of Chinni.

Hitesh is always cool and did not complain about me letting him wait this long instead started smiling! Champak meanwhile left as his bus has come and I was asking Hitesh for the reason but he said I would not but will wait till you figure out yourself!

I still could not get it!

Day 21, Dec 26:

The same exchange of smiles since past 20 days and I do not know how to say I like her so much. Hitesh knowing what I had in my mind told “Abhi, today she has some dance program for the freshers day celebrations, you can meet her and spend some time with her in the theatrical room as she is practicing alone” I hugged Hitesh and said I shall call him once I give her company till her home and shall return to bus stop. He smiled and I went to our college dance practice room.

I saw her dancing and she was so good at it obviously I thought as I was told by my juniors that she knows Dandiya and does it very well. I wish if I knew something like that I thought but anyways she knows it I smiled with in.

She know I was watching her but she was so much into dance that she was not caring who is around. I was there till 5PM evening 4 hours extra and Hitesh dropped by to say he is leaving and I said stay with me he said idiot you better be alone! And left

After she was done she came to me and said how did I dance I said fantastic, she replied you always appreciate me! I said if you had to watch with my four eyes you would surely take my appreciation. She smiled for my quit wit of humor. I asked If I can join her for a walk she said yes. We were walking and she said she is feeling hungry and I asked we can go to Priya Restaurant and I asked if she likes spicy food she said yes, so I ordered Mirchi Bajji (An Andhra dish made with All gram flour and Green chillies deep fried)

She liked it so much and had 3 of them out of 5. I then asked her if she it so much she said thanks a lot for introducing it and I mentioned please do not ever be sorry or thanks to me and she smiled.

She asked if I know Champak I said yes he is my friend, she laughed and she said really? I said yes! Then she said so you have friends who are in first year apart from me! For a moment I was stuck then surprised then shocked and she smiled and so did I.

She then said I have never seen a person like you so witty, naughty and smiling all the time, I said that was something everyone says but its sweet to hear from you. It was dark already and I asked her I shall come along to drop her at home and she said of course I can. We were alone in the bus and I sat beside her and she asked me to look down as she felt something fell from my pocket so I had bent and she kissed me on my forehead while returning back.

For a moment I did not know what to say and react but I just smiled and had held her hand tight with mine and after getting down on the way to her home I called her name and she turned to me and I held her face in my palms and kissed her on forehead. For that moment it seemed the whole world has come to a halt with calmness around us, the place we were standing felt like the center of universe. I still could not forget the feeling of feather light on my lips on to her forehead and the immense bliss I had in heart!

My first kiss so wonderful and so sweet that I could ever forget in my life time.


© Copyright Hari Babu P Feb 16 2013. This content cannot be used for any purpose except for pleasure of reading until and unless a prior authorization being obtained from the author.

Boxing

Is it just Boxing????

The title seems rather intriguing isn’t it but what is in it for me would be your question, well I always say, you find something always great where you think there is nothing for you in there. Well I start it now so happy reading ahead.

I never knew what was boxing and what was it all about until I came across a movie in Hollywood named “Rocky Balboa” whose casting was Sylvester Stallone. I always wanted to write a blog on one particular dialogue which he says in this film which inspired me to write this blog but I am writing it now after like over 3 years.

Of course I had final inspiration from my friend when I saw him dancing in one of the events at client’s fest. He was just three months hardly into learning dance but he did quite amazingly well and got up when he slipped at one particular move that was quite catching for my eye at least in the audience when I sat to record his play. I could only see his quick wits acting so fast to continue with the dance by covering it up in fraction of second by moving on to next step of dance instead of just stopping when he missed the dance move.

I then decided why not write what I was thinking since long ago and dedicate this blog to him.

When I first saw boxing as a kid I only thought it is all about how many times you bring your opponent down with your forceful kicks but when I got a chance to see the boxing itself for first time, I learnt quite wonderful things.

I saw two boxers one is martial arts trained and other dedicated his life for boxing since last 7 years. It was a wonderful combat to view; the martial arts guy in three of each two minute rounds brought this kick boxer five times straight down. I thought he is going to win when the results were out but it was other way around the kick boxer won the championship.

How? I thought and asked one person out of curiosity he had explained me how it all works. In boxing it does not matter how many times you bring your opponent but all that matters is how many perfect moves you blow into your opponents body and each time a blow is given you get your points added based on where you hit your opponents body and also based on your free kick style.

That was great I thought and when he showed me how this kick boxer had given blows to the martial arts guy it was around 35 blows on head and 25 blows in stomach and 10 blows with his leg on leg knock out.

On the other hand the martial arts guy only could manage 20 blows all summed up with three knock downs.

  

Now here is my favorite dialogue from that movie “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you.”

Isn’t that wonderful? I always say my friends if you are let down by that one blow from life and you never stand back on your feet again you are going to be there forever let down by that single blow but if you are not and thinking to stand back on your feet and ready to get hit but just keep moving forward then you are one among those who already made a history my friend.

Well now you can correlate boxing with your life ain’t it wonderful J. Bye for now and see you in my next blog

One day in bus

Hi friends, thanks for the response and feedback on the blog I wrote last time. Here you go with another one! J happy reading

One day in the bus

Just another day, among the concrete jungle surrounding our apartment and same old noise and honking of the vehicles which woke me up to put me into the busy stream of run, jump and hop.

It was already 6.00AM and I had no sufficient time to manage cycling and yoga, so skipped cycling today and went on for yogasana’s after which I toned muscles with power exercises using barbell in my bedroom and couple of hops with skipping and mean while switched on geaser for hot water and put on two eggs to get boiled for my breakfast.

I was ready with my laptop bag and rushed on with pair of socks and shoes and came out in rush, putting on those to my foot, and I knew I was forgetting something when I walked out of my apartment and it was company id card so I had to run back to room but could not find and upon searching the whole room finally could see that Arun my roomie sleeping on it, so I kicked my friend sleeping on my id card to grab it but he was so deep in sleep that he rolled over onto my card completely now. I literally had to grab his legs and push him down to get my card! Well he worked in night shift and it’s not his mistake he needs that good sleep.

Even I did not have proper sleep so I too was drowsy all my way yawning which was disgusting so I had put on a chewing gum in mouth to avoid series of yawns from my mouth.

And finally reached the stop where I saw my fellow mates and shook hands said hi and same old disgusting question! How is your weekend? What did you do? Hmm I wish if I had ask questions other than this but I am IT guy and naturally these questions spurt out without any prethought.

And I got into bus and suddenly this girl from nowhere comes and sits beside me, this was the girl I was looking for like over a month now but never dared to even ask her name ! Well cannot help but I decide I would break the ice today.

I spoke to her finally, we chatted all our way till we reached office and I have given my phone number but forgot to take hers. But I know her email id so I had added in my chatting friends list and at first I was little uneasy of how to start over with on for a conversation but as I was a good writer it was not hard for to start over with a topic and to get along. Our friend ship grew strong in time but I was not sure how she would react if I ask her out for a coffee so I dropped that basic thought.

It was fresher’s day in our organization and she was dancing for a classical bit, I came to know about this and somehow managed to get to her practice whenever I could but one day I saw her uncomfortable in my presence so I thought not to put her at discomfort. And amidst all this drama, finally it was her birthday coming up soon just a month away from Indian republic day!

I planned a surprise for her not sure how she would react! All I know is she likes visiting orphans, kids with challenges and spend time with them. bBt on her birthday I wanted to show her how beautiful the world around us is in my way, at the same time wanted to realize her how special she is and do not want to see sorrow in her face, so I have planned to take her to kids who were suffering with HIV aids but they are so small that they even do not know what deadly disease they are suffering with but they always keep smiling.

And the moment has arrived her birthday and I took her to this place she was so happy that I brought her here. She enjoyed with kids but when she came to know that most kids had to undergo medication for rest of their lives without which it’s hard to survive, she felt bad listening the reality but she understood what the kids were conveying her, that every minute is worth living and its not just living its fighting, the struggle against time, but still spreading smiles despite all the suffering they undergo.

She was so happy and while leaving the NGO she came to me and…….

Hari! Hari! Uth bay saale! Someone shouted I thought who is it and was annoyed about my friends always peeping in wrong times….and suddenly I open my eyes I have come to office and was alone left in last seat of bus with my friend waking me up! I rubbed my eyes and realized it was all dream! Hmmm that was such a wonderful dream I thought and smiled with in my self and got down from bus towards the entrance gate of our office. This girl was going in front of me and I just had this wonderful smile on my face recollecting my dream and suddenly she turned back as if someone called her! For a moment I felt she heard me and at the same time thought within, hey dude this is not Munnabhai MBBS movie so you better stop being falling for chemical locha.

Some moments are so loud despite of being silent but it is unto us how we bring it up these feeling to other person in a harmless way. For only humans have this gift of expressing.

Happy go my amigos J and happy weekend!

Stress

A common word used by most at least once in their lifetime, and most by few others.

I read many articles speaking about stress how to deal stress, what causes stress and even there is a subject which has evolved “Stress Management” but suddenly I had a different perception altogether of it, if stress is really a stress or is it that we stress the word stress to make it stressful?

But I wonder why does a person fall stress? What causes him to feel stressful? And how can he overcome that. Now I don’t want to talk pages on this but want to give a small example which inspired me to put these ideas together and bring it as a blog for you.

I was once told we should never carry huge loads on our head. E.g. My mother always use to advise not to hang my school bag belt on my head as it causes neck pain and other side affects, I never dared to ask that but I agreed then, I agreed it till I became young enough and started having my own perceptions rule others words of thought.

After 26 years now I suddenly observed something, a lady carrying a half ton of some spices and some items on her head, balancing with a cloth tied around her head to form a groove to rest the bag on it, I hope all especially Indians would have seen such women walking distances carrying such heavy weights selling there items for their livelihood.

Now two points how could she manage such heavy weights on her head though we cannot? Another point is she not going any stress while performing this daily as part of her livelihood!

Now I leave it to you as to what to grasp from the incident I came across and how is it related to our stress but before that let me put my perception backed by my persuasion of that event.

Imagine I ask her to carry a bag half the weight she is carrying daily and now imagine her carrying a bag almost two times the weight she is carrying?

May be we should know to what extent we can with stand pressure and slowy increase it to the level we cannot withstand it and start maintaining that threshold on a regular basis.

This way we are creating an indicator for our own self to avoid stress instead of managing it :).

As they say prevention is always better than cure!

Now other way of dealing stress is what harm can it cause to us so friends here is an image which mentions the impacts of stress on our body organs